Wednesday, March 18, 2009

Let's talk about donations...

OHN  has a post encouraging organ donations and the discussion of this among family members so that they are certain what your desire is regarding donation of organs should you die.
 I wholeheartedly agree, passionately so, that  it is the right thing to do.

Here is something I can't get past though. And... I'm not sure that I am not selfish or immature regarding this type donation. Let me know what you think after reading this.

My son went to an ivy league school. In his school newspaper and on bulletin boards all over campus were advertisements for sperm donations. (egg donations as well) 
 Infertility clinics really wanted these "academically gifted" genetics and they were willing to pay top dollar. My son, kidding, said that he was considering this as it would be an easy way to make money and that he could help people too.

I was aghast! Although he was joking he was shocked at my reaction.  I told him that all that sperm could be a whole bunch of babies of which he was the father and a whole bunch of babies that would be my grandchildren. No matter what they would be our family and we would never know them. I know it sounds irrational. But I really couldn't get past it.

Also, who is to say that down the road his children or nieces and nephews wouldn't end up, unknowingly, with all those babies!  Also, I think I feel it is manipulative coming to a college and advertising to a vulnerable age group that are not mature enough to make an ethical decision.

I want to reiterate that I don't feel like I am right about this intellectually.  I feel as though I am self centered. I do believe in adoption and fostering and sperm donation. I guess the whole going to a specific group for their sperm and paying more money for that sperm weirds me out and I can't help that I would have a hard time knowing I had grandchildren that I would never know.

Ok, let me have it!

17 comments:

Misty said...

I think sperm donation is a great idea as long as it is not my child doing the donating. It would worry me to death to know I had "family" out there I did not know. Maybe it is just my close connection to family. I am sure it is a great idea for some and many people need it but I personally would rather my children not. It would have to be one of those things I never found out about as a parent...

Pink Martini said...

Very interesting! I have never thought about the grandchild issue. Could you imagine coming face to face with a little boy that looked identical to one of our sons? How could our souls and hearts not react to that and not want to nurture that child and suddenly want to be a part of that child's life?? It opens up so many issues beyond blindly falling in love with a potential brother or sister. Wow. So thought provoking!

Ina J Offret said...

I just wish people would foster or adopt children (and pets). None of this donor stuff for me either. Too many young souls out there needing good homes.

Frau said...

I agree adoption and foster, not really agreeing with donation.

OHN said...

I had the SAME conversation with S2. I freaked, just like you, but ironically I went through IF for 8 years and would have used donor sperm/egg if it had been an issue.

I know exactly how you feel. I told him it would make me crazy walking down the street and see little boys that would look exactly like him.

I am very selfish too I guess.

What was interesting though was his take on the whole subject. He is really looking forward to marrying and having kids (he has stated he intends to be a dad before he is 23-24, hopefully married to a wonderful girl at the time:) But, donation to his mind, was just a way to help pay for "things". He told me he could make enough to buy a great car, etc.

I am hoping that once the conversation was finished he saw that there is sooooo much more involved than a cup and some cash.

Paula Fowler said...

Very sad when a young person views perpetuation of life as a means to pay for "things." In my book the entire sperm/egg donation is another perfect example of greed. Not every human being is meant to physically reproduce. This does not mean a man or a woman is not capable of being a FATHER OR MOTHER. I find it tragic when a person cannot accept this and open his/her heart to love so many of the "throw away children" in this world. Okay, I'll get off my soap box now. Preppy, excellet post!
Paula

t.t. millers said...

A very weird thought occured to me. What if people donate and then their children end up meeting someone from their "donation". EWW isn't that incest? UG! And people would never know! What kind of birth defects would there be? I know I'm going off the deep end on this, but I keep thinking EWWWW!

Ina J Offret said...

I am enjoying your comments, everyone! What an interesting topic. Preppy, you raise good subjects!! xo

Ronda said...

Hi Patti, This is a great topic. I have to say that I agree with what Misty said. It would drive me nuts knowing that there is a blood relation out there somewhere, and not knowing who. I have never had this conversation with my son, but it might be something I will bring up sometime. I would love to know his view. I would like to think he would never consider "donation" though. Maybe I'm selfish too. If it ever happened, I wouldn't want to know about it.

XOXO

Ronda said...

P.S. I LOVE your header!!!!

I would love to have a print of that, it would match the new paint color I picked out for our bedroom re-do. Got any ideas? I have never seen it, but love it.

XOXOO

Paula Fowler said...

Preppy,
Just for the record, I am not bashing your son or anyone's children. I'm disheartend at society for encouraging young people to utilize donations as a way of making money. By the way, I can have children and I am an organ donor. I'll be quiet now.
Hugs,
Paula

preppyplayer said...

Misty- I agree, I just don't want my child to do it!

Pink- I know, many issues involved.

Ina- I see that point as well, adoption is important.

Frau- me too.

OHn- a cup and cash LOL seriously, I agree with you!

Paula- you did not insult me or my children, I understand what you meant and I agree. I think it isn't fair to offer money to a group that is way too young to understand the long range implications of their decision.

Tami- I also wonder what happens if you have frequent donors and the consequences of many 1/2 brothers and sisters running around and potentialy, unknowingly meeting one another...

Ronda, I am with you on this. And thanks for the compliment regarding the header. Check out peirre deux online for french country designs like the header or google french country or pastoral toile. I bet you will find a lot of lovely prints :)

Joyce said...

This is a very good topic and comments. I never thought of the donations from the other side of the coin.

Being a woman unable to have children and wanting them since I was a child myself. All I could think at the time was I wanted a child so much I couldn't bare the pain of not having one. One of hard things was not having a choice in the matter and all the fun emotions that goes with this...

We knew where our limits were and never gave donation a thought. I had a sister even offer to carry one for us as long as it was G and mine. We made the choice against it. The sad thing is some couples can't move on to the next step because the yearning and desires takes over their life. I don't think they are right or wrong, just a tough situation to be in.

I do agree I wish these places won't go to the colleges. When we are young we sometimes don't think about tomorrow.

Prep this was a really good topic. I'm glad you son shared with you. I was a little afraid to add my 2cents, but took the risk. xoxo

Joyce said...

P.S. I am an organ donor but I stressed to G to make sure I'm gone first before anything is remove!

preppyplayer said...

Joyce, you are so thoughtful, as usual. And very glad you added your perspective as I do know there is another side to every story. I do hope that your organ removal does occur at the right time, LOL

sherry lee said...

What a great topic you've raised...organ donation has been on my mind lately -- a boy from the neighbourhood died tragically and his parents donated his organs and I posted about that...but sperm donation...all the implications down the road...it's a noble idea as are all donations...organ donation = saving and extending lives; sperm donation = creating lives. Both are playing God to some degree. I'm not sure how I feel 100% about one of my sons donating his sperm to create life anonymously...having children is such a gift; but it's all those possiblities you cite that cloud the issue. Something definitely to go away and think about...

preppyplayer said...

Sherry- Thank you for commenting and I too, struggle with the "playing God" aspect of many things in our lives.