Manners.

My four sisters and I, (the Frau being one) are planning a 50th wedding anniversary party for our parents. Actually, my Dad has planned most of it because it is being held in Arizona and we are all in other states ( the Frau being in Germany.) 

It will be a Dinner Dance from 5-10pm.

So, the invites have gone out and we have begun to receive the RSVP's. We've asked that people RSVP by April 4th.  Almost all of the one hundred and thirty people are coming from the West.

Oh, and on a separate sheet we gave info regarding hotels, directions, and dress.

We also stated that this was an adults only event, otherwise the guest list could climb to one hundred and seventy-five and we didn't think it would be a true dinner dance. Let's put it this way, if we wanted a family get-together we would have had a big B-B-Q, during the day! 

Anyway, here is what has happened so far,

 Some of our cousins were "surprised" that children were not invited. This is surprising to me as whenever we visit Seattle not only are we NEVER invited to their homes, but their Mother and Father have never had us to their home, any of us.

My parent's neighbors said they were coming...along with two guests. 

A friend of my mother said she and her husband were coming...and MAY bring another guest, but wasn't  sure yet. 

We had one aunt questioning why certain people weren't invited and we had another asking if we were coordinating "the gift!"

Oh, and only half the people have bothered to respond to the invitation and Thursday is April 4th.

I know it is more casual and kick back out West, especially in Utah. At the Frau's wedding she had a sit down dinner wedding, ( which we always have out East) and she had to explain it to her guests because many people are use to big Mormon style receptions where you come when you want and have punch and a piece of cake. Still, she remembers people she didn't invite showing up because they heard she was getting married!

We are more formal in the East and etiquette is important. We wouldn't think of inviting guests to a formal affair we weren't hosting. And, we check the envelope of an invitation to see who it is addressed to, if it isn't to "the family of" we know that children are not included. 

We would never think of calling and suggesting people that should be invited...after the invites have been sent.

We would also realize that a Dinner Dance is expensive and that the five daughters are paying for it and want the best possible party for their parents without any hassle!

How's that for a rant!

I usually don't get too hung up on etiquette and don't consider myself rigid, but I have hosted many family events and parties in NJ and have never had this happen. Is this a West coast thing or a "Senior Citizen" faux pas?