Monday, April 13, 2009

Game strategies... not what you think!

So Easter is over and Spring sports are in full swing. 
( baseball pun alert!)

I will now be an official passive observer, staring at my children's bodies in motion for hours on end.
 I'm not complaining. I have my tennis,
(not that anyone would ever come watch)
 and that is my "during the week" pleasure. The weekends are devoted to my offspring's sports and that is fine with moi.

I do have some rituals and strategies that I use to prevent bleacher butt and to prevent myself from embarrassing the family with crazy outbursts during the game and here they are:
  1. Come with a blanket to sit on ( bleachers are hard cold, or wet) or an extra chair ( the chair is for when you MUST get away from the other fans so that you can swear and mutter)
  2. Bring coffee, gum and candy. (candy is for bribing the other fans so that they will like you  even if they heard you swearing and muttering.)
  3. Come with the roster so that you can swear and mutter about the correct player who is taking your child's position leaving your child to wallow on the bench.
  4. Wear your school colors so that at least the other team will not think you are swearing and muttering about their  child.
  5. Take a walk to stretch and get some exercise through out the game, deep breathing and thinking calm thoughts.
  6. DO NOT jump in air or give family members high fives when child is suddenly put in game- other fans will not like you and trust me, you did NOT bring enough candy to bribe them.
  7. Make sure that now that you are a cheering maniac, cheer for the other players as well and the other fans might forgive that tiny high five when your darling scored.


OHN said...

#8. Don't sit next to the whiner that hates having to be there and bitches the whole game then is offended when you are watching the field instead of listening to them whine.

(not that we have any parent on OUR team that does that-ahem.)

t.t. millers said...

#9. Don't scream "That's MY boy!" when you son suddenly checks another boy into the boards so hard that you hear the crowd go "OOOOOOH!"

Frau said...

I used to bring my knitting to Kates volleyball games help keep my swearing down and hand gestures towards the refs!

thepreppyprincess said...

Great list Miss Preppy, especially for those who haven't 'enjoyed' the experience in sleet & rain on those ice cold bleachers!

Have a wonderful week!

Caffeine Court said...

Thanks for the guidelines. My girls are just starting team sports, so I anticipate lots of bleacher time for moi.