Wednesday, November 11, 2009

Facebook opportunity...

We can all agree that one of the best things about Facebook is finding long, lost friends.
How about enemies?
Trust me. This isn't negative.
Some people have a "bucket list," a list of all the things they want to do before they die.
Not me.
I have an "apology list."
I'm not a part of a twelve step ( or is it ten step? ) program. I just know that there are certain people that I would like to apologise to before I die.
Or should I say before they die?

Yes, unfortunately one of my friends from my childhood/teens/twenties who I had drifted apart from and had always assumed that I would reconnect with... passed on.
This happened about two years ago and I have such regret that we weren't able to meet so that I could forgive her for past transgressions and more importantly, ask for forgiveness for my past actions.

Well, the top person on my apology list is my first college roommate. I will preface this story with the fact that I came from a strict, (almost controlling,) household regarding cleaning. We had a lot of chores and every Saturday all of us sisters did the equivalent of what would be considered Spring cleaning.
Every Saturday. Right Frau?

Anyway, I get to college and I feel so free. No cleaning, no responsibility other than my schoolwork.
My boyfriend slept over a lot, I left dishes in the sink, I left garbage on the counter, I left lights on, doors unlocked...
I could go on and on.
And my roommate could not stand me!
Can you blame her?
I did.
I thought she was a total #@%& and a nag and couldn't believe how uptight and rigid she was.
Of course I didn't see how inconsiderate and rude I was.

In fact, I don't think I saw it clearly until I was a mother and looked back to my college days more objectively. And then as my children began to go off to school I was horrified.
What if they ended up with a roommate... like me?!!!

So, over the years I would tell them how bad I had been and how ashamed I am for having behaved that way so many years ago, telling them to make sure they are considerate and tolerant.

And now because of facebook I have found that poor girl that suffered for an entire year with me as a roommate from hell.
I haven't contacted her yet.
But I plan on "friending" her this week. Of course there will have to be a message accompanying the request, otherwise I doubt she would accept me as her "friend."
The message will be,
"Hi Katy, it's Patty from freshman year at (blank college) I want you to know that I am so sorry for being the worst roommate ever. I really am ashamed about how I behaved back then and hope you will forgive me."
I already feel better!

8 comments:

Frau said...

Wow...spring cleaning of the soul!

Pink Martini said...

Wonderful post. Time has a way of healing. My former BBF and room mate whose wedding I was maid of honor reconnected through FB. For us we had to rehash a few things that were uncomfortable. I also found out she had divorced which was a shock to me. Turns out unfortunately, I just can't pick up where we left off although I made the first contact, but I have connected with her ex and his new wife and consider them good friends. You never know where life takes you but I too feel it's good to make amends. Good luck. I really mean that. Let us know how it goes. :) xoxo

Suburban Princess said...

Good luck! I cant wait to hear what happens!

OHN said...

How terrific! I hope she accepts your apology.

(and I was wondering if you grew up in my husbands house...they did the same thing and he STILL thinks that is the way things need to be done. UGH...one of the many things we disagree about :)

Joyce said...

P, how can she not friend you with this heartfelt note. Beautiful my friend. Thank goodness I didn't put my make up on yet. These are things I want to do too and soon. Have a golden day! xoxo

Ina in Alaska said...

Ugh I had to help my mother every Saturday and do dusting and vacuuming. If it was not done to her satisfaction I had to do it all over again. And she had lots of stuff. Thankfully she has mellowed but I never got over that Saturday cleaning. Was it a Jersey Mom thing? Anyway, look forward to your follow up post. And speaking of follow ups... did you get a Ridgeline or Avalanche???

preppyplayer said...

Frau- year round I hope :)

Pink, I hear you. I might not get the result that I like but I still have to try and it sounds like you made the effort- that's all you can do.

Surb- Thank you!

OHn- I hope so too, but at least she'll know I realize how wrong I was.

Joyce - you are so sweet and understanding- always.

Ina- to this day I love a clean house, insist on it... but hate to do it! I think that is why I work to pay someone else to do it.
The honda is the chosen truck, now we have to get our act together and get rid of a few of our other cars!

Suburban Princess said...

I would love to see the stores in NYC! We go to Toronto every December to see them :O) I already have our visit planned!