Saturday, September 29, 2012

Facebook, college, and privacy.

Well, I did the unthinkable.
I asked my college freshman to block all her adult family members, including me, from seeing any of her Facebook pictures.
Because I feel as though she is entitled to her privacy even if she doesn't think it matters.
As much as it KILLS me not to see what is going on, how happy she is, who her friends are, and what she is up to- I think it is necessary.

You see, although she believes she has nothing to hide...
I know better.
Not only should she worry about how coaches interpret or view what she believes are innocent pics and fun times or what future employers think of her college years, unfortunately she has to worry about being judged and gossiped about by certain family members.
And she doesn't deserve that.

And although I am not judging her when I see her pics on face book?
I thought about it.
When I went to college I was able to learn and grow. Make mistakes. Get crazy.
I had no one worried.
I had no one concerned.
I didn't have phone calls asking me questions about my whereabouts on school nights... ( I only called her once!)

Instead I learned the hard way, the BEST way- from my mistakes.
I want her to have her college life without intervention from me AND I certainly don't want her judged, especially when she has done nothing wrong.

For the record?
When I did tell her that she had been gossiped about by family members because of some of her pics on Facebook and asked her to block folks- she was honestly surprised and hurt that anyone would see anything negative in any of her pics.

And I agree. But I reminded her that she can't control other people. And by keeping her life private on Facebook she CAN control what people see.

How do you feel about privacy on Facebook?


Merry Wife said...

It's really hard for me to imagine growing up while dealing with social media. I'm glad it wasn't around when I was in college!

Mom on the Run said...

J4 won't be facebook friends with us and J3 doesn't care. He doesn't post anything, but always shows up tagged in other people's pictures looking disreputable and I usually tell him to untag himself. I haven't spoken a word to J4 since we left him at college on August 8. I'm trying not to worry about him or feel bad that he doesn't want to talk to me, and then I remember that I had ZERO interest in seeing, talking to, thinking about or having anything at all to do with my parents when I went to college. DOTR can keep an eye on his bank account, so we know he's still alive (or at least somebody who knows it ATM PIN is alive!). I've "hidden" all my younger nieces and nephews so their pictures and status updates, etc. don't show up on my newsfeed. Mainly because most of it is dumb and annoying, and also because it's none of my business.

Joyce said...

Hi Patty! Good choice my friend. I agree let the young ones find there way just like we did. We didn't turn out too bad, did we?! :) As I tell my nieces and nephews everyone has an opinion and no one wins when you bring them to the table, so I like to keep mine to myself ( most of the time��). It has to be tough growing up in the social networking. xo

JMW said...

Good way to handle this. I know of someone whose son is a junior in college and she's WAY to aware of what he's doing and constantly checking. I don't want to be that kind of parent. I am truly glad that FB, camera phones and other technology were not around when I was in college. Word got around quickly enough, but today it's out there in a nano-second. It's a shame that family members are gossiping about your daughter. Hope she's thriving at school!

Formerly known as Frau said...

I totally agree and do love seeing smiling happy kids and the rest is none of my business. xo

preppyplayer said...

Merry, I agree! I definitely flew under the radar!

MOTR-- I am pretty tricky too, I never comment but love stalking my nieces and nephews- and I never judge because I know kids makes mistakes, I certainly did and my own children humble me every day. For the record- every grey hair on my head is from my boys...

Joyce- I love following you on instagram and your words of wisdom!

JMW- I agree and I also need to stop myself from using social media too much- except for reading blogs of course!

Frau- love and miss you, need to know about the job interview!

Lisa said...

This is close to my heart with two girls in college. My girls have made their FB pages private to relatives and the public. I can still see their pictures, but other than the times they are all dressed in their formal dresses I really am not interested in Facebook stalking them. They have lost a little interest in Facebook, thank goodness. Hopefully that trend will continue and they will loose interest in documenting EVERY aspect of their lives.